Saxton Hale

From TF2 Wiki

Saxton Hale in action.

Saxton Hale is the rugged Australian CEO of Mann Co., star of the Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales comic series and an all-around man among men whose favorite pastimes include fighting, drinking and battling with rare and ferocious animals. Identifying features include his exceptional moustache, rippling muscles, crocodile-tooth lined hat and a patch of chest hair shaped like Australia. He also refuses to wear clothes on his upper body "for obvious reasons".

Saxton is the latest Hale to take up the reins of Mann Co. since Zepheniah Mann left its ownership to loyal aide and tracker Barnabus Hale in his last will and testament. His boisterous presence is felt in all areas of the company, from the slogan ("We sell products and get in fights") to the customer forms, which include tickboxes for informing product-thieving rivals that he is coming to pummel them to death with his bare hands. His inspiring image also features on numerous Mann Co. catalogs and promotional materials. He is known (and feared) for his belief in handling customer service issues personally, with his official policy being: "If you aren't 100% satisfied with our product line, you can take it up with me!".

Notable achievements of Saxton Hale include:

• Cutting his way out of primate hell.

• Teaching his girl scout troupe, the 'Saxtonettes', a fire safety tip: grizzly bears burn.

• Fighting off a lion while simultaneously having his hair cut.

• Single handedly wiping out the Indonesian berzerker shark (and making it cry).

• Retrieving a stolen puck from a thieving tortoise, despite its thirty minute head start.

• Inventing the ancient and mystical Jarate fighting style after kicking a chair across the room in a frustrated rage. His complete Jarate course includes Saxton Hale Jarate Pills, which triple the size of your kidneys, and Saxton Hale Pain Tonic, which completely masks the feeling of your internal organs shutting down.

• Becoming the wealthiest man in the western hemisphere.

• Firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter.

• Being in no way involved with the explosive death of American Monkeynaut Poopy Joe, and not in fact being anywhere near the launch site at the time.[1].

• Introducing crafting to RED and BLU in an effort to stop the Soldier/Demoman war.

Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales

Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales first arrived on newsstands in 1961 as part of a bold Mann Co. initiative to sidestep an increase on postage costs for their weapons catalogs. The first 64 page issue contained four pages of thrilling tales and 60 pages of ads for exciting new Mann Co. products. But Thrilling's editors quickly discovered that showing Mann Co. founder Saxton Hale using a product in the story itself tripled its sales. Ads were cut to 32 pages to accommodate longer, product placement-based stories.

Saxton Hale's Barbershop Action

Saxton Hale's Barbershop Action capitalized on the brief "haircut" fad of the early 60s. Its breakaway success would lead to the ancillary titles Saxton Hale's Barbershop Romance and Haircut Horrors Starring Saxton Hale's Ghost. By Issue #40, however, the peacenik movement had gripped America in its filthy, tangled mane, and haircut fiction saw a steep decline. This would be the start of a longtime feud between Hale and hippies, which would culminate in his firebombing Woodstock from a helicopter.

Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl

Saxton Hale's Jungle Brawl debuted in the U.S. in 1962, riding a wave of anti-gorilla sentiment following Russia's successful launch of the first monkey, Vladimir Bananas, into space. America's rage was not isolated to communist primates- that same year, monkeynaut Poopy Joe cruelly dashed the U.S.'s hopes of reaching the stars when its shuttle detonated on takeoff. Brawl was notorious for inflaming human-gorilla tensions during its ten-year run, most famously in issue #50, which was printed with gorillas' blood. Its print run of 17 million copies left only five gorillas on the planet.

Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales

As the youth movement of the 1960s escalated, manufacturers produced fewer and fewer products for the elderly. By 1963, only four items remained: hats, meat, caskets, and Saxton Hale's Mildly Thrilling Tales. Naked from the forehead down, lying in their coffins gumming Salisbury steak, an entire generation of despondent, forgotten consumers was left with just one thing on which to spend their government checks: Hale's tepid, senior-friendly tales of modest suspense. Saxton Hale Visits His Mother Monthly and Soothing Stories of Familiar Things soon followed. Hale quickly became the wealthiest man in the western hemisphere.

Girl's Adventure Starring Saxton Hale

Boy's Adventure with Saxton Hale came under fire from the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency in 1968 for teaching boys aged 6-16, among other things: moral turpitude, arson, vandalism, hippie assault, tax fraud, at-home laryngectomies, car theft, gorilla slaughter, and the Heimlich Maneuver (which had just been invented and was still considered controversial). Pressured by the Senate, Mann Co. changed the name to Girl's Adventure With Saxton Hale, as it was commonly thought at the time that girls couldn't do anything, so any lessons taught to them would be harmless.

Hale Mail

Saxton Hale

The lucky few who sent in the Force-A-Nature order form found in The Scout Update - Day 5 to the relevant address received an invoice from Saxton Hale himself, sadly informing them that the requested item was out of stock. In compensation, the senders received a signed photo of Saxton Hale standing in front of Ayers Rock with the words "Thanks for writing, little fella!" and a keychain featuring a random Team Fortress 2 class. The letter also advised them to keep an eye on their mailbox, as new products could be on the way.[2]

Yet more lucky senders who mailed the coupon found in The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4 to the relevant address received a letter bearing the Mann Co. logo and the snarling face of Saxton Hale. Inside was another letter, yet again informing the recipient that the requested product/s were out of stock but that they should continue to check their mailbox as new items/legislation could be on the way, as well as several postcards bearing random cover images from Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales.[3] At this point, Valve started requesting that people not send them money due to legal reasons.

Trivia

• Signing up to Saxton Hale's complete Jarate Course will also grant you access to outline courses in Drunken Boxing, Drunken Headbutting, Shaolin Drunken Knife Wrestling, Drunken Cry-Fighting and Drunken Apology-Making, as well as a trophy.
• Saxton Hale's official stamp reads "This just got signed by Saxton Hale!"
• Saxton Hale's full job title is Saxton Hale - Australian - President, Mann Co.
• An image of Saxton Hale can be seen briefly on a calendar inside the BLU base in Meet the Spy.
• Saxton Hale's Thrilling Tales is illustrated by comic artist Mike Oeming
• An unofficial fansite by Travis "Sivart0" Prue called Saxton Hale Facts allows users to submit facts about Saxton Hale and his many incredible feats.
• Some letters sent in with the various Mann Co. coupons contained real money, despite the fictional nature of the forms. Valve then issued a reminder at the request of their legal department for prospective senders not to include any cash in future, as a friendly letter would be enough to get potential free stuff sent their way. Any money that had previously been sent was donated to gamer charity Child's Play.
• Saxton Hale occasionally posts on the TF2 Official Blog.
• Saxton Hale's chief accountant is called Mr. Reddy. He also has a personal butler called Mr. Bidwell and a pilot named Jerry.
• Saxton Hale is implied to have been in a relationship with the Administrator some time ago, referring to her as a "chain-smoking seductress".
• At the time of the war update, Saxton Hale was in fact only the sixth Richest man in America. He had his chief accountant send the other five a congratulatory bouquet and a "You're a dead man" form letter.
• Saxton Hale starts every morning with a plane-jump into his Mann Co. Headquarters and a breakfast steak.

See also

• Mann Co.
• Non-player characters

External Links

• The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 4 (First Appearance)
• The Sniper vs. Spy Update - Day 7 (Saxton Hale's Complete Jarate Course)
• TF2 Official Blog- Sniper vs. Spy Update, Day 7
• TF2 Official Blog- Patent Pending: #1308 - "GUARD DOG"
• TF2 Official Blog- It's a Bloodbath!
• TF2 Official Blog- Team Fortress News Roundup
• The Administrator- Saxton Hale